Muscle car atrophy

'67 Mustang. This was the definition of a muscle car. Photo credit photobucket.com

As James May, one of the famous Top Gear Presenters once said, “The recipe for making [muscle cars] is very simple. Massive engine, crude, simple suspension, very low price and finally some orange paint.”

By this formula, building good, solid muscle cars should be a breeze. Car makers don’t have to worry about putting new technologies like satellite navigation, or G-force readers in a muscle car because muscle cars are supposed to be simple. 

In fact all a muscle car really has to do is make a lot of noise, and go quickly in a straight line.

So what happened?

Muscle cars of the early '70s were based off of the description above, but this kind of car slowly started to fade into the background towards the end of the '70s and into the '80s and '90s, which were an absolutely dreadful period for the muscle car. 

One of the major reasons these times were so hard has got to be styling. Muscle cars of old were big, and mean looking, but they also had a sense of leanness about them. When the '80s hit, they looked like every other car. Take the Ford Mustang for example. Once the king of muscle cars, it was turned into an everyday run around town to pick up some groceries kind of car.

Other classic muscle cars like the Dodge Challenger and Dodge Charger were the epitome of what a muscle car should be. They were V8 monsters that shouted as they drove around. In 2006 the Charger was brought back and two years later a new Challenger was made. The thing is, these cars just don’t live up to the name. 

The old Dodge Charger back when it was still a thing of beauty.
Photo credit onlinemodelcars.com

They were iconic cars back in the '70s but now they simply blend into traffic rather than standing out, and they certainly aren’t forcing you to glance at them by making noise. Obviously, muscle cars aren’t for everyone, but it almost seems as though car companies are trying to make them for everyone and by doing that, they are forgetting what truly makes these muscle cars so special. 

At least Ford and Chevrolet are starting to get it right from a looks perspective with the new Mustang and Camaro. Ford has especially turned things around since they abandoned the horrid look they had all through the '80s and all the way up until 2005 and the Chevy Camaro looks flat out menacing especially with a black paint job.

The 2010 Chevy Camaro. Looks mean dunnit?
Photo credit jalopnik.com

Even so, the mentality towards muscle cars has changed. They used to be some of the coolest cars around, featured in countless music videos, television shows and so on. It seems as though now they’ve turned into the ideal candidate for a midlife crisis. You don’t buy them to tinker with and cruise around town in anymore. You buy them because you have hit that age when you just want a car with a name that conjures memories of a distant past.  

Combine that with the price of gas and the environmental impact these cars have, and they are on the fast track to becoming history. It's sad and I hate to say it, but perhaps it is time for the mighty muscle car to drive off into the horizon, because with global warming, and skyrocketing gas prices, these cars will never again be able to live up to the legendary names that their grandfathers laid down.

Words by Steven Wagers